I received a double tip-off the other day, courtesy of both A Girl In Winter and Katiepops, that life-sized models of Munkeh have been spotted for sale at various locations around the country. These ‘stunt-munks’ are made to roughly the same dimensions as Munkeh, and though not as cute, would still make a good monkey-mascot for those bereft of a monkey companion.

I set off on the investigative trail to try and track down one of these imitation Munkehs.

Looking for a Munkeh lookalike

Now, my hidden camera received some interference whilst in the store, but I can assure you that there were stacks and stacks of imitation Munkehs all over the store. What’s more, the Stunt-Munks were wearing a rather snazzy Christmas jumper, so I invited one to accompany me home where he immediately made the gift of his jumper to Munkeh, who he seemed to hold in some reverence.

Munkeh seems a little suspicious of his slightly wonky doppleganger, so I haven’t told him about the entire army of such Stunt-Munks that I encountered in the shop, but the one that followed us home doesn’t seem like a bad sort, really, and Munkeh does like his new jumper.

Munkeh's new jumper

He’s even been wearing it to social occasions:

Munkeh's 'going out' jumper

If you’d like your own life-size model of Munkeh, I entreat you to go down to your local supermarket and look there. They are well dressed and even come bearing a free box of tea, which you can give to your nan,

World of Monkey t-shirts, featuring your host, now available on Amazon

Here’s an exciting new development – World of Monkey T-shirts from Amazon!

I’m so excited to see my face on a t-shirt and I hope that any Friends of Monkey might pop by and have a look and let me know what they think. If I see you walking down the road wearing one of these fab t-shirts one day I will be sure to say hello. They are available in both ‘Sky High Blue’ (above) and ‘Monkey Brown’ (below), and for the low price of £12.99, which just about buys you a fried breakfast nowadays. Unlike fried breakfasts, though, World of Monkey t-shirts make you look better.

Monkey t-shirt in 'Monkey Brown'

If they went down to my diminutive size, I’d never take mine off.

About a year and a half ago, my human friend Mimi knitted me a cardigan. It was blue with long sleeves. It was warm when I was cold, and so I was thankful.

My cardigan

Mimi had only been knitting for a few months, so did her best. She made it out of the thinnest wool she had, but it was still quite bulky on me because I am not very big. And she had to write the cardigan pattern from scratch, because there aren’t many patterns for cardigans for 30cm tall monkeys on the market.

The monkey measurements

But though I quite liked my cardigan, and at first people said it was great, after a while my friends started saying ‘oh, you must hate wearing that silly looking cardigan, Monkey’, and ‘look at how stiff and rough it looks – the shoulders are too big’, etc.

I didn’t hate wearing my cardigan, no, but the more people said that, the less I wanted to wear it, until, after a while, I decided to try and hide it. I did this because it made me feel embarrassed to wear the cardigan, and I didn’t want Mimi to feel upset that I didn’t want to wear something she spent so long knitting.

But I couldn’t throw it away, so I hid it beneath the bed, and made do with being cold.

Then, one day, Mimi came in from the bedroom with something blue and a little dusty in her hand, she had found my cardigan.

‘Look, Monkey! Oh, we’ve found your cardigan – you can be lovely and warm again!’

In a way I was happy that she’d found it, because so much hard work went into making me a cardigan all of my very own, but what could I say when she encouraged me to wear it when I went to see my friends in Morecambe?

So, I’ve hidden it again. It’s under the sofa, far enough back so that it won’t be accidentally hoovered up, because I don’t want to really lose it. But hopefully Mimi will see that I am starting to get cold now that it is November, and I really could do with something to keep warm. If she can’t find my cardigan, maybe she’ll make me something new. Perhaps something like Giantmonk’s snazzy tank top, so that my friends can’t say how stiff it looks, or that the shoulders don’t fit, or ask if I can even move my arms when I wear it.

Thanks for keeping me warm though, blue cardigan.

My blue, buttoned, slightly stiff but well loved cardigan.

Before I came to live at Monkey Towers I had another life. One of glitz and glamour, bright lights and long carpets of scarlet red, lit by the flaring bulbs of a swarm of photographers. I can’t say it was ‘work’ as such, it came so very easily. Perhaps my biggest film was one that I starred in alongside Sigourney Weaver.

An actor of the highest calibre

Gorillas In The Mist is a heart-breaking tale of the protection of one of our planet’s most noble and endangered creatures. It was a tough role. I’m not a gorilla, but I am a method actor.

Egg

I’d like you to meet Egg. Egg has lived at Monkey Towers for many years now, but I have had trouble convincing him that he should become part of the World of Monkey staff. It took some careful negotiations, and a bonus package of one toffee muffin and a banana milkshake for every post that he makes, but eventually I convinced him that joining the editorial team here was not such a scary proposition.

Egg is a shy and quiet fellow, so I am not sure that his posts will be all that wordy, but he’s a dab hand with the camera.  Go on Egg, take a self portrait to introduce yourself to the readers:

Egg. World of Monkey's newest member of staff.

I said to Mimi the other day that I had never seen a duck.  You know, I have seen them on TV – their bright yellow bills, waddling webbed feet and funny bum-wiggling swimming action, but I had never seen a duck in real life. The worst thing is, I know that there must be some ducks nearby, because I can hear their quacking. So, I decided that it would be good to have a trip out to introduce myself to the local duck fraternity.

There were quite a few duck there.

Operation 'Duck Meet and Greet' is go!

At first I was not quite sure whether they were a friendly life form. They like to hang out in large gangs and make loud, perhaps aggressive noises, which can be quite intimidating to a monkey who has never seen a duck before, but Mimi said that they could be appeased by feeding. Much like myself.

I’m not quite sure I did the feeding quite right, though:

Tasty tasty bread. Feeding (myself), whilst looking at ducks.

It’s winter time, and ever sensible monkey knows to keep his head warm with an item of fashionable headwear.

Monkey's hat

All the best hats have a fetching bobble on the top.

Remember, folks, a Monkey’s brain is powered by bananas, and bananas only grow in warm climates, ergo: it is of vital importannce to keep the brain warm as it is made of bananas.