Monkey, on the move

Friends of Monkey, and to a lesser extent Mimi, have done the most wonderful thing and clubbed together to buy a iDoodad touchpod, or something. It’s all shiny touch screen and app-loaded, bells and whistles, gloss and sparkles. I’m not sure what it does but the upshot is that I can take loads of pictures and update this blog really quickly and easily now, even whilst relaxing in my armchair with a  Monkey beer, taking big lung-fulls of next doors barbecue smell whilst contemplating toasting some crumpet whilst watching the football.

I am now a positively mobile Monkey.

World of Monkey t-shirts, featuring your host, now available on Amazon

Here’s an exciting new development – World of Monkey T-shirts from Amazon!

I’m so excited to see my face on a t-shirt and I hope that any Friends of Monkey might pop by and have a look and let me know what they think. If I see you walking down the road wearing one of these fab t-shirts one day I will be sure to say hello. They are available in both ‘Sky High Blue’ (above) and ‘Monkey Brown’ (below), and for the low price of £12.99, which just about buys you a fried breakfast nowadays. Unlike fried breakfasts, though, World of Monkey t-shirts make you look better.

Monkey t-shirt in 'Monkey Brown'

If they went down to my diminutive size, I’d never take mine off.

Of all the jobs that I quite fancied doing when I was younger (before becoming an international Monkey of mystery, of course), pounding the mean streets as a police cop was not top of the list. Giantmonk quite fancied the idea, but that was more because of the promise of doughnuts.

The other day I heard from an old friend from Thailand, who had recently joined the local squad and who wanted to tell me what life was like when you’re a cop.

Chicks dig a guy in uniform

Firstly, it’s not all sitting around, eating. OK, it’s mostly sitting around eating, but sometimes we have to spring to action. I’m partnered with some young chap who does all of the driving. To be honest I don’t much trust him behind the wheel and I think that’s the real reason he wears the body armour.

'Don't keep pulling those faces at me, you blinkin' idiot'

Every now and again though we get called into some serious action. The picture below was taken during an illegal elephant football league bust, where I am taking control of the situation via the usual police tactic of shouting really loudly.

Freeze! Lay on your face with your hands behind your back!