Of all the jobs that I quite fancied doing when I was younger (before becoming an international Monkey of mystery, of course), pounding the mean streets as a police cop was not top of the list. Giantmonk quite fancied the idea, but that was more because of the promise of doughnuts.

The other day I heard from an old friend from Thailand, who had recently joined the local squad and who wanted to tell me what life was like when you’re a cop.

Chicks dig a guy in uniform

Firstly, it’s not all sitting around, eating. OK, it’s mostly sitting around eating, but sometimes we have to spring to action. I’m partnered with some young chap who does all of the driving. To be honest I don’t much trust him behind the wheel and I think that’s the real reason he wears the body armour.

'Don't keep pulling those faces at me, you blinkin' idiot'

Every now and again though we get called into some serious action. The picture below was taken during an illegal elephant football league bust, where I am taking control of the situation via the usual police tactic of shouting really loudly.

Freeze! Lay on your face with your hands behind your back!